Just Breathe and Write a Poem

I had my first mild panic attack about 8 years ago.

I had just ordered a comforting and delicious cup of coffee at the airport, and passengers were getting ready to board the flight. I have always loved flying, and yes, there is that “what if the plane crashes” scenario that plays out in my head every time, but I never take it seriously. Yet, as I was packing up my bags to get in line, a rush of nauseous overtook me to the point where I had to sit back down. What was happening? I felt hot, my heart was racing, and it was getting difficult to breathe. I contemplated missing my flight - how would I endure a 4 hour flight back home like this? But I didn’t. I blamed it on the coffee (of which I had only taken 2 sips of) and boarded the flight. That flight home must have been one of the worst experiences of my life. The flight attendants just thought I was stomach sick, and they gave me a paper bag in case I needed to throw up. I tried to fall asleep, but ended up just sitting there with tears in my eyes, waiting for it to end.

I realized after a couple more flights, those attacks were to become the norm for me. I started up new habits before and during a flight to try to make them bearable:

1. Try to get the earliest flight possible, where I’m so tired and relaxed, I can just pass out on the plane.

2. Absolutely no coffee.

3. Get an aisle seat so I can have quick access to a bathroom.

4. Take deep breaths

5. Remember that it’s all in my head

I don’t know if that last part is true, but over the years, these habits have helped me considerably. A new habit I’ve picked up is writing a poem while I wait for our plane to board. Here is the first one I wrote:

As I'm sitting at the airport,
I think about the flight.
It could be one of any sort,
But I always develop a fright.

Just popped in a piece of gum,
It's meant to divert my mind.
But as soon as the taste fades some,
I need a distraction of another kind.

I like to breathe in deep with my nose,
And slowly let it escape my mouth.
Listening to music with my Bose,
It works to keep things from going south.

And now I've found another way,
To keep my mind at ease.
A past time to keep nerves at bay,
The wonders of writing shall never cease.