Notes from the Jealous Type

Sometimes you’re too nice for your own good.

I’m drenched with the blood from all those that have wronged you.

You are mine to protect,

But I’m neck deep and scared I’ll start drowning.

Jealousy is a hateful thing.

Suddenly I’m overcome with a tremendous fury;

An eruptive volcano.

That when I burst,

I will engulf and obliterate everything in my path.

Only when I reach the vast, cold sea will my fire stop burning.

And although I can see it in the distance, the sea is always much farther than I realize.

When I feel this way,

All I want to do is scream and pull someone’s hair.

But that would be mean.

All I can do it sit pretty and breathe the thoughts away.

I know I should trust you.

But I definitely saw you look at her.

Is it in my head? Or was I the one checking her out?

I have a staring problem.

Just because I want to be her,

I assume you want her.

But you want me -

Someone trying to be someone else.

I tell myself, “Trust him”.

Should I, if I have to tell myself that?

You answer my never-ending questions and conversation flows naturally,

We are full of smiles, with a sprinkle of blushing.

It’s sweet.

But then you ask a question that slams a heavy ancient door in my mind.

I lock it immediately and throw away the keys.

At first I’m offended by you. Not for long though.

That is quickly replaced with disgust at myself. How naturally I shoved and locked away a mess I never bothered to clean up!

Now all I can think about is how empty I am,

And worry when you’ll notice I’m nothing but air,

Sometimes wearing a nice smile.

My addiction was under control,

And then you came into my life -

Showing me all the wrong ways to love.

The highs of passion trickled into my veins and seeped into my heart,

As I followed you into my relapse.

It’s late and I thought I had it in me to write about us.

But I keep dozing off,

And the pen keeps trailing off the paper.

I guess you’re not worth staying awake for.

I wish all heartbreaks were that easy to get over.