A Confession of Everything to Nothing

Dear ________,

I transferred to your school in the 5th grade, and I would stay there until we both graduated. In those 4 years, I developed the strongest friendships I’ve ever experienced - and you were the catalyst. After being bullied in previous schools, I was very skeptical of you at first. But you continued to prove it was a genuine connection, and before I knew it, I very easily let you swoop me under your wing.

We hung out everyday after school, finding shopping carts to push each other around in. We talked on the phone for hours until my Mom would pick up and yell at us to hang up. And on weekends, we’d spend all day at the mall - not that we could afford to buy anything. We would just walk all the way there, go visit all the stores, and then walk back home. We walked for miles because all we needed was each other’s company. We understood when we needed support and when we needed space. I helped you with homework, and you helped me learn how to make friends.

Everything was going great until everyone else ruined it.

One day during class, your friend came up to my desk and sat on the corner. He casually asked,

“Do you like him?”. Of course I liked you.

“Yeah, of course.”

“He likes you too. That means you two should be boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Did it?

“So, will you be his girlfriend?”

“…. I guess so?”

He then skipped away looking very pleased with himself. After school that day, you came up to me smiling and looking bashful. You didn’t explain anything that was going on. I hated that, and I suddenly felt deceived. The last thing I wanted was for you to try to hold my hand, or worse, try to kiss me.

The next day, I played the same game and approached my friend in the girl’s bathroom,

“Tell his friend I don’t want to be his girlfriend anymore.”

“Why don’t you want to be his girlfriend?!”

“Because I don’t like him that way.”

“But you guys hang out all the time!”

“That doesn’t mean I have to date him…”

It took a long time to convince this to my friend (and the other girls that happened to be eavesdropping in the bathroom). She eventually delivered the news.

At lunchtime in the cafeteria, your friend that started this mess came up to me,

“You’re making a huge mistake.”

I looked down at corned beef sandwich my Mother made me that morning, and with tears stinging my eyes, I whispered,

“I don’t care.”

I was furious he was making me feel like it was all my fault. I was furious you were hiding during all of this. But in my 6th grade mind I didn’t understand anything I was feeling - all I felt was fire.

Needless to say, it was weird after that. We started hanging out with separate groups of friends and we never spent time alone together again. We talked, but it wasn’t the same. We were never what we were before our friends peer-pressured us (or at least me) into dating someone we didn’t want to. It was heart-breaking seeing you pass by me in the hallway everyday, each time becoming more and more of a stranger - our friendship fading away right before my eyes.