A Letter to a Lost Friend

Dear Friend,

It’s been a hot minute, hasn’t it? Someone reminded me of you earlier and I thought I would reach out. Our friendship did end somewhat abruptly. Why was that?

We met when we were 10 years old. I was a new student, entering the 5th grade, and understandably very shy. The teacher sat me down next to you. After my previous two schools, I was used to being picked on, made fun of, and shunned. So naturally, I anxiously awaited for you to say something hurtful when the teacher had her back turned. All day I waited for it, but you didn’t say anything. The next day, I waited again for that insult that would turn me red or a mean joke that would make me tear up. But again, you didn’t do any of those things. In fact, you asked for my help with an assignment.

During the next 4 years, you became a best friend. We talked on our house phones for hours after school (which I’m sure our mothers were listening to on the other end), took ridiculously long walks to nowhere, wildly jumped on the trampoline in my backyard, and had many laughing fits until our eyes were swollen with happy tears. The story gets even better, because it wasn’t just you. Your friends eventually became my friends and we created all these memories together. And when a stranger found a moment to tease me or call me names, you guys never defended me - because you taught me to stand up for myself. My time with you all allowed me to open up and transform into this confident and self-aware young woman by the time we were ready to graduate the 8th grade and start highschool.

I’m very serious when I say that was one of the saddest days of my life - leaving that school and everyone that embraced me. Only a couple of you were going to my highschool, but we weren’t in the same classes. Everyone else was going to that highschool down the street. I wanted to drop everything and follow you because I didn’t want to have to start over. I had always wondered how you felt - were you going to miss me?

We are very dramatic at that age. It turns out, I didn’t have to start over. Because of who I’d grown into, it was easier to make friends. They were very different than you - they weren’t worse or better - just different. I remember it was during highschool you and I finally lost touch. We even lost touch before texting was a thing. Yes, we ended up being Facebook friends by the time I was off to college, but does that really mean anything? I followed you on Instagram for a bit too, but I didn’t see a point in that either. How does that happen? One day it feels like nothing can tear you apart, and the next day you literally watch it fall to pieces. You don’t even attempt to pick them up.

I know some of it is my fault, but in the end we just started living out our lives. To me, that is one of the scariest parts of growing up - it’s not the aging looks, money problems, or the never-ending responsibilities. The scariest part is the realization that nothing lasts forever, especially a friendship. But even though our friendship didn’t last, the memories will always be there. So, really what I want to say is thank you for being my friend when I most needed one.

Take care,

Kayla