Let's do the Time Warp Again

Her mother hired me.

She was a put-together woman- successful, polished, proper and kind. I met the Father once. He seemed sweet but then again, I only saw him that one time. I approached their massive and elegant house the first day, looking for the side door they said I could enter. Their Airbnb guests were staying in the back house. But the house had so many doors, and I found myself pacing back and forth trying to decide which one to open when I heard my name called.

“Kayla??”

“Hello! Yes - I didn’t know which door it was!”

“Oh, it’s quite alright. Please come in through here.”

It was the Mother. She donned her perfect smile in her 50s yellow flower sundress. We entered in through the kitchen and even though I knew the family was small, I realized the household was quite dense with cooks and maids. They were all bustling about trying to prepare dinner for the evening (even though it was about 10 AM).

The Mother pulled me aside.

“We request you work out with her for an hour. I want her to get used to the idea before she heads off to college and fills her days with parties, alcohol, boys…." At this point the Mother fell into her thoughts as though remembering her past. Her eyes glazed over a bit and I could see a smile starting to tug at her lips. But as soon as it started, it ended. She brought her attention back to me.

“She needs to find time to take care of herself. It’s very hard to maintain a figure with all those distractions!”

I wanted to point out that I never worked out in college and ended up okay (figure-wise). But I also did not want to lose my job. “Of course! I can’t wait to meet her.” I smiled a big smile, but the Mother responded with a pitying look.

“Kirsten is a motivated girl but you’re not going to like her.” Then she pondered for a moment and said, “Yes, you’re definitely not going to liker her.”

She led me to Kirsten’s bedroom - it looked like a a pink, frilly tornado had plummeted through and mountains of stuffed animals overtook one corner of the bedroom. Kirsten was on her bed and texting on her phone when she jumped up to greet me. She looked like an adult in children’s clothing. Her low-rise jeans with their glitter pockets stretched out her long and lean figure even more, and her velvet pink hoodie was skin tight to showcase her forming figure. She was chewing gum and her hello consisted of blowing a big bubble. She let it pop loudly before clawing it back in with her tongue to start chewing again.

She followed me into the living room, and at least that much was accomplished. I took her there to do the exercises because her room was too small and we would likely end up either drowning in stuffed bears or suffocating from glitter. But the living room space still felt incredibly awkward as it was full of distractions - there was a radio playing a song I couldn’t quite make out, the maids were running around, preparations for dinner wafted through the air, and, most awkward of all, the Mother sat in the room drinking a cup of tea, watching us. I figured we’d get our own space in this mansion, but I’d have to make this work somehow.

“I was thinking since this is our first day, we could do a yoga video.” I proceeded to look around the room to cast my video, but there wasn’t a television. Plan B then. “You know what, there is already enough noise in here so let’s just come up with our own flow.”

We started bending over to touch our toes when I noticed Kirsten was still in her glitter jeans and still chewing bubblegum. I also realized how not-normal thin she was. Her calves weren’t thicker than my forearm! We were continuously interrupted by the maids and before I knew it, Kirsten had left the room. I went to go look for her and when I came back, she was at the table eating a chocolate-drizzled fruit cup.

“How about we eat these instead?” Feet propped up on the table, she spooned a chocolate covered strawberry into her mouth. With a patient smile, I gently took the fruit cup from her hand. “We can have all the fruit cups we want after our exercise. Now let’s finish this up.” Because, really, I wanted this to be over with.

Kirsten started whining but she got up. However, one pose in and we were hit with another distraction. It wasn’t the radio, it wasn’t the maids, and it wasn’t her weird Mother. We both felt it at once - our heads went numb and it was as though our bodies sucked into themselves. It all happened so quickly and ended with a “POP”.

I opened my eyes and found myself sitting at a poker table with three other men, probably in their early 20s. I glanced around the room: a Star Wars poster with Lisa Taylor not far, a Stretch Armstrong left on a brown, boxed TV set, green velvet furniture, shaggy carpet…oh my God, am I in the 70s?

I looked up at the men at my table. I must have been playing with them for awhile, because I knew their names: Steve, Earl, and David. David was a burly guy, but also didn’t have great physical self-awareness, so ended up being quite clumsy. Earl was shy, scrawny, but very smart. Steve was the “leader, so to speak. You could tell right away that the other two looked up to him. He was very handsome and incredibly charming; funny, but serious when called for. He also was an “outside-the-box” kind of thinker. Though, what I noticed most was how much he cared for his friends.

Like I said, it seemed that I had been sitting and chatting with these guys for a while and I naturally fell into the conversation they were having. They were talking about opening a comic book shop. Earl was especially excited about this and was very animated in explaining the logistics of it all.

Little did I know that this dream was about to get a million times more serious, more dangerous, and even weirder. But why would I want it any other way?

What happened to Kirsten? She time warped back with me, but ended up with a different group of friends - ones that led their own satanic cult. The three guys tried their best to help me save Kirsten so I could take her back to the future. In the process, David died due to his clumsiness. Sorry David. On the brink of Kirsten being sacrificed to a Dark Lord, we were able to rescue her (even if she was whining and complaining about it).

Before her and I dove off into the future, I stood on the curb saying my goodbyes to Steve and Earl. As a parting gift, I told them where they ended up in the future. I definitely made it up, but the looks on their faces were priceless - especially Earl. I told him he does end up owning a successful comic book shop. As I said goodbye to Steve, we looked longingly into each other’s eyes knowing that fate brought us together and maybe one day, it would bring us together again.

You always need some romantic drama.