Not even seated,
Your final goodbyes start to
Devour my heart.
I knew it was bad when I broke down at my desk.
I could feel my head swelling and the air getting thinner. I still tried to keep it together. I may have made it until he asked “How are you feeling?”.
I was never a good liar.
The swelling burst and I cried, cried some more, apologized, then continued crying. My manager had never seen me cry. Probably fearing I was about to quit, he rushed to find tissues and waited for me to explain. It wasn’t work (although that one guy is still an ass).
This particular feeling was a hole in my heart and no matter how much I cried, I couldn’t fill it. The tears seeped into this black hole. A tear created by my parents moving to Florida, and ripping wide open when my brother followed them. And then the hole deepened into the abyss when my other brother took himself, his wife, and my niece to the other side of the country. I missed them – it was as simple as that.
But the temporary vacancies they hung up in my heart made me think of their final goodbyes. A red demon took lodging on my shoulder and whispered into my ear that I would never see them again. I knew it was silly (especially because I don’t believe in demons), but also a truth no one likes to admit. Although alive and well, their goodbyes started to devour my heart.
Eventually, my tears dried up. I still bought my plane tickets that night.
We were enemies turned best friends for life,
Laughing so hard we’d cy and pee our pants.
I hold my breath when you set down your knife,
And leave this table of confidantes.
Mediator, with patience always fueled,
Kept us sane. Then you made me an Auntie
And Godmother to your most precious jewel.
As you leave, I wipe the tears you can’t see.
You’ll never stop being our protectors,
But with each year, the roles are reversing.
Stubborn as always, you’re the directors,
And call for the bill whilst I cry cursing.
I sit here starved, unable to depart,
As the empty seats devour my heart.
© 2024 May, Kayla Macias
Simply Kayla 
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